For a woman at the tender age of 22… man, do I sure feel old sometimes. I mean, just seriously old. My back will hurt severely [thank you, messed-up-spinal-cord], I find myself either in my pajamas or wanting to be in my pajamas, I make old person noises even, my toddler- yes, toddler- no longer needs me to get from point A to point B. It’s crazy: my son is over one year old. Do you know how crazy that is!? It’s insane. You can expect pictures of the party, if I can find some, or else you’ll get quite the story shared shortly- or both. Now, I honestly, like any mother, could go on about my child and his new age the entire post; however, that’s not what is going to happen here. What am I going to cover? You ask. Well, that is The Random 4 Single Mother Woes. Where I want to share with you, 4 of my aches and pains of being a single mother. The single mother being moi, of course. Why am I doing this? Because it’s obvious, unless you’ve lived in someone’s shoes, you don’t know crap.
The Woes of This Single Mother
With all that said, even with the title of this post not being specified to me, this list is not and should not be a representation of the basics for all single mothers’ woes.
The Father of Your Child [aka BabyDaddy]
Troubles with the father of your child, sometimes known as the BabyDaddy. Everything from completely uninvolved, only partially involved, involved just to benefit himself, or simply involved for other even more wrong reasons, which can even lead to the worst case scenario- he goes after you to make your like miserable just because. If you wonder why you ever were involved with that thing, then you could fall under this category.
If you’re fortunate like me, then you have a good relationship with the father of your child. He wasn’t always as good as he is now, and he could be much better than he is now [we’re working on it; he’s improving]. Even though this would barely make my list for myself, I felt it needed to be noted first. I had troubles with him. Heck, he wouldn’t even acknowledge our son, Noa, and couldn’t even say he loved him till around six months after birth. Oh, did I mention how he ran off after we found out I was pregnant!? Yeah, that caused a lot of heartache and anger was an emotion I was very familiar with. Noa, our son, and I were in the hospital for 6 to 7 days- he only visited once and spent all but the last 5 to 10 minutes of his hour long visit on his iPod touch. That’s not even mentioning ALL the “babydaddy” horror stories that fill my single parents and single mothers boards on my BabyCenter.Com account!
The Endless Legal Work
State Insurance forced, self-motivated… either way, both can equal the same thing = child support. With that comes the following: Tons of paperwork. Early Meetings. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Slow progress. Hassles. More meetings and also mediations. Documents and more documents needed recording. Possibly court, which is a whole other ballgame. Not to mention the same for child support.
Depending whether you’re on state insurance or going after child support: there’s the initial meeting, the list of things needed done along with documents needed, all the letters, there’s the DNA testing involving both parents and child, then there’s the father possible stalling and/or the Support Office taking their time, then there’s more dates set, early mornings, more meetings, possible court dates, more waiting, finally set but not receiving a dime. All that hard work and nothing to show for it but and order for custody, document copying, stapling, sharing, court sessions, nerve provocation, stress from it all starting step # 3. This description ins general, you may notice. Why? Because, after months, my son and I just got DNA tested last morning. Yes, he turned one of the 28th…
The Equal Helper/Sharer
That one who is in it with you- whether by helping, sharing the workload, or just offering you the connection of being equally tied to your child. This woe can create the ‘whole family’ syndrome, a disease leaving mothers seeking to make her family whole by being with the father despite the actual relationship’s health.
I receive help. Noa’s Grana babysits while I’m at school, and my littlest sister comes over to help all the time. However, at the end of the day, I can’t fall back against a couch with them- exhausted from my little hellion- and not feel guilty, or that I owe them money despite what they say, and not just feel like I wasn’t helped more as the responsibility for the care of the child is halved and has [although sometimes has not] been met.Sometimes it’s a little lonely being me and my helpers, and not being a “team us” with all the responsibility not falling solely on me.
What’s A Personal Life? Me Ti-say What?
The idea of regular Me-Time is a complete joke. You being to think it’s become extinct when you catch a short break every once in two or three blue moons. You begin to answer to the name Mom or Mommy more than you do your own name, which is… What is it again?
I’m a mom. Like the military, I must accomplish my duties as well as serve and protect, and I must finish the time I signed up for. When that comes to children, that’s a lifelong contract, not to mention they’re whom I am to serve and protect. If you’re doing your child[ren]’s laundry or lunch right now, the word serve should have made the forefront [and, preferably, made you laugh in the truth of it all]. I don’t do 95% of the things I use to do. Now, 50% of those things were bad things that I, fortunately, quit doing 6 months before ever conceiving my Noa in the first place. However, there is still that 45% that has been put on the backburner, even though that’s the last thing I should be doing with it. Expect multiple posts regarding that very subject in the upcoming weeks. I’m excited to write them.
There’s Too Many To List Here…
There are so many more I could also cover here- we haven’t even reached the tip here! But don’t worry. When Noa isn’t sick- giving me more time to think up more of my horrible woes, you can bet that more in depth posts will join the ranks of a posts here at SkhylarLive. Hopefully this post will suffice till then.
I’m curious about what are your woes? You don’t have to even be single! Are you a single, married, dating, etc. mother? What are your specific woes, and what makes them so woeful? You are not alone, Ladies! Let’s prove to each other we are not alone and share with each other in the comments here below.