The Update To Top All Updates!

 

BIG NEWS:

So, yes, by now I am infamous for simple ‘updates’ posts. Very unhelpful, I know and apologize deeply. However, this blog was originally created to document my new life, and I believe I will soon be making an entirely new blog- completely dedicated to helping single &/or ADHD mothers/parents. Nonetheless, this isn’t that blog… this is another update. An update to top all past- and possibly future- updates posted here on Skhylar: Live. Out with it already, you say? Well, …

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I AM MOVING!

 

Where? Erm… Not that I think anyone who reads this blog will stalk me, but I’m just going to say that it is out of state and over 8 hours away from the one and only city I have ever called home. Am I scared? Terrified. Excited? Hell yes! Why, you may wonder, am I even moving? To make the explanation as concise as possible: because my boyfriend is. Some might think it is crazy to go gallivanting across state lines- toddler in tow- just to follow a young man I’ve been dating for half a year. You know what I say to those people though? I’m sorry you have never been madly in love.

He didn’t pressure me into it. He didn’t even ask to me to go. He was planning on the last day of Bonnaroo being our last day as well. Many, many tears were shed Saturday night and all of Sunday. But! Something happened Sunday afternoon- the memory mine and his to cherish, but how romantic and wondrous it was- and now Noa and I are coming along for the ride. He’s going to be attending the same college as his sister: her pleading is the whole cause of his, now our, move.

Life is so good right now. I am so happy.

 

 

Anywho… So have you done anything the average Joe [or Josie] would view as crazy? If so, what was it? How did it turn out? If you were propositioned but said no- why did you say no; do you regret it? Have I lost my mind? What are your thoughts on my situation?

School & Life; Life & School.

Cherry blossoms in my backyard.

So, I’m learning Japanese- it’s one of the things 「the major thing」that I’m minoring in. However, learning the Japanese language is more important to me than that. For as far back as I can remember, I have wanted to have a life in Japan. I always wanted to live there forever, even give up my American citizenship for Japanese citizenship one day. Yet, with all that has happened: child rearing singularly, a very special relationship 「it sort of plays a role- it depends…」, lifestyle change- aka did I mention being a single mother? Or, well, Single parent, that is actually the term I prefer to utilize more. I mean, there are many single fathers too. Anywho, JAPAN… and it’s language- I love it & everything connected to it. 「Including: culture, etiquette/mannerisms, “teamwork” mentality, etc.」

To meet my Japanese minor’s requirements, specific Japanese-related classes must, obviously, be taken. I’m in the midst of my second semester of Japanese; However, I am fighting the automatic fail I received due to being 2 – 10 minutes late 7 times, back when my son was sick with RSV, a cold, and double ear infection. He had to take medicine and have breathing treatments done every four hours. Plus, RSV is very contagious and he gave the only babysitter 「his Granna」pneumonia, as well as giving me pink eye 「that’s now healed- thank you!」. This went on for about 1 1/2 months. I missed 3 of the 6 allowed misses, but, unlike last semester, my 先生 「teacher」decides that you are counted absent if you’re not there to say, “はい!,” the second your name is called during roll. So, yep… he failed me because I didn’t leave my son home alone to die so that I wouldn’t be a few minutes late to class. At least, that’s how my still fuming mind is viewing this… injustice. Not to mention that I’m one of his top students, make good grades and everything. He said so himself.

I’m fighting it though. I’ve finally gotten the detailed letter I requested from my son’s pediatrician.  Now all I have to do is prepare for my talk with the chair of the Literature & Language Department: typing up bullet points of subject I want to remember to cover, explain my reasoning for a failure being unjust in my circumstances, … just covering all my bases. I do tend to over prepare quite often.

 

Welp, yeah, that’s what’s going on in the Japanese Language Class department. As with the other classes and school-related things, I still have to settle everything with everyone by talking with all my teachers- see where I stand in every class. I also have to make an appointment with ARC to go ahead and officially declare my major 「International Affairs」and my double minors「Japanese & Marketing 」. I’m so nervous about what is all to come, though I feel at peace about everything—at this particular moment, at least.

That’s not all that’s occupied my time and attention. I have quite the vast number of contrasting situations going on in my life right now. So much has happened, and so many more things are currently in the works too. If all goes according to my plans- fingers crossed- then life will soon become: hard, stressful, scary, new, and all those other things that come with making serious changes in your life. My next post will most likely be me sharing my Child Support story… thus far, and will possibly or, better yet, probably contain helpful information; making the post much more informative and far less personal journal entry-styled. I’m really wanting to try out writing new, different kinds of blog posts.

You can help me here! I have two things you can help me on, just by simply offering your opinion. What are those two things?

1. This goes out to all you soon-to-be and first single parents out there that have questions or experience with child support:
   1. What are any and all of the questions about child support in general that you have?
   2. What are your biggest issues/problems you [have had to] experience in regards to child support? What do you need help with?
   3. When it comes to child support, what do you really want to know?
   4. Any additional thoughts, suggestions, wonderings, or the like about child support?
      1. If so, please share in the comments.
2. This is aimed at the bloggers and readers of this blogosphere:
   1. What styles of posts do you find most enjoyable?
   2. ＊How many blog post types can you think of? List them.
   3. Do you know of any “lists of blog post types” &/or any  “challenges”? 「．.  ．—→ both blog or post related challenges.」
      1. If you do, please share them in the comments below- via personal sharing or, if the list/challenge is a page of it’s own, still share it in the comments via a link to said page.

What Is a Healthy Relationship?

I’ve never had a completely healthy relationship before… now? Every single one has been messed up, not normal, or damaging is some way or another. It’s all I’ve ever known, and all I know how to work with. Yet, this relationship seems so different from the rest; my current relationship seems healthy and normal. And you know what? That terrifies me because I don’t know what I’m doing, and I feel like I’m messing up left and right. I’m scared, because of my past turmoil, that I am going to lose this amazing guy. Or worst, I’m scared he’s going to be found out to be just as damaging/bad as the others. Honestly, I don’t know which one I’m more afraid of- probably the first, as I could work with the latter.

Another truth? I’m consumed with fear, and over everything I do around and say to him.

“Will this make him want to break up with me?” “Did saying or doing such and such annoy him and make him think twice about us?” “Can he not handle dating a mother?”

That’s right, I’m also a mother now and that makes dating 100 times harder. It makes finding a companion 1 million times harder. I’ve never felt this compatible with another human being, never felt this level of consistent attraction, never felt this passion, never felt this way… over anyone, and I’m scared I’ll never find it again if I lose him.

Then again, we’ve only been dating three months. I must keep my thoughts to myself so as not to scare him away. What the hell am I doing? How do I go about this? At what pace is normal? What is normal: period? What do I do to keep from messing this all up? I feel like I’m holding onto a treasure, tied by a string that’s slipping out of my clammy palms caused by my fear. I know I just need to let everything run its course and what is suppose to be will be; however, that’s never been an easy thing for me to day, and with something like this… I don’t know if that’s possible. Gah! What to do? What the hell am I to do here?

I’m left fearful.

Any advice for this relationship-dummy of a woman? What about you… What have your relationships been like? Healthy? Unhealthy? Good or bad? Any specific experiences stand out?

 

 

[EDIT- Please forgive any and all spelling and grammar errors as it’s 6 in the morning and I’ve been up all night studying for a test in a class that… well, you’ll hear next post. Thanks!]

The Random 4 Single Mother Woes

For a woman at the tender age of 22… man, do I sure feel old sometimes. I mean, just seriously old. My back will hurt severely [thank you, messed-up-spinal-cord], I find myself either in my pajamas or wanting to be in my pajamas, I make old person noises even, my toddler- yes, toddler- no longer needs me to get from point A to point B. It’s crazy: my son is over one year old. Do you know how crazy that is!? It’s insane. You can expect pictures of the party, if I can find some, or else you’ll get quite the story shared shortly- or both. Now, I honestly, like any mother, could go on about my child and his new age the entire post; however, that’s not what is going to happen here. What am I going to cover? You ask. Well, that is The Random 4 Single Mother Woes. Where I want to share with you, 4 of my aches and pains of being a single mother. The single mother being moi, of course. Why am I doing this? Because it’s obvious, unless you’ve lived in someone’s shoes, you don’t know crap.

The Woes of This Single Mother

With all that said, even with the title of this post not being specified to me, this list is not and should not be a representation of the basics for all single mothers’ woes.

The Father of Your Child [aka BabyDaddy]

Troubles with the father of your child, sometimes known as the BabyDaddy. Everything from completely uninvolved, only partially involved, involved just to benefit himself, or simply involved for other even more wrong reasons, which can even lead to the worst case scenario- he goes after you to make your like miserable just because. If you wonder why you ever were involved with that thing, then you could fall under this category.

If you’re fortunate like me, then you have a good relationship with the father of your child. He wasn’t always as good as he is now, and he could be much better than he is now [we’re working on it; he’s improving]. Even though this would barely make my list for myself, I felt it needed to be noted first. I had troubles with him. Heck, he wouldn’t even acknowledge our son, Noa, and couldn’t even say he loved him till around six months after birth. Oh, did I mention how he ran off after we found out I was pregnant!? Yeah, that caused a lot of heartache and anger was an emotion I was very familiar with. Noa, our son, and I were in the hospital for 6 to 7 days- he only visited once and spent all but the last 5 to 10 minutes of his hour long visit on his iPod touch. That’s not even mentioning ALL the “babydaddy” horror stories that fill my single parents and single mothers boards on my BabyCenter.Com account!

The Endless Legal Work

State Insurance forced, self-motivated… either way, both can equal the same thing = child support. With that comes the following: Tons of paperwork. Early Meetings. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Slow progress. Hassles. More meetings and also mediations. Documents and more documents needed recording. Possibly court, which is a whole other ballgame. Not to mention the same for child support.

Depending whether you’re on state insurance or going after child support: there’s the initial meeting, the list of things needed done along with documents needed, all the letters, there’s the DNA testing involving both parents and child, then there’s the father possible stalling and/or the Support Office taking their time, then there’s more dates set, early mornings, more meetings, possible court dates, more waiting, finally set but not receiving a dime. All that hard work and nothing to show for it but and order for custody, document copying, stapling, sharing, court sessions, nerve provocation, stress from it all starting step # 3. This description ins general, you may notice. Why? Because, after months, my son and I just got DNA tested last morning. Yes, he turned one of the 28th…

The Equal Helper/Sharer

That one who is in it with you- whether by helping, sharing the workload, or just offering you the connection of being equally tied to your child. This woe can create the ‘whole family’ syndrome, a disease leaving mothers seeking to make her family whole by being with the father despite the actual relationship’s health.

I receive help. Noa’s Grana babysits while I’m at school, and my littlest sister comes over to help all the time. However, at the end of the day, I can’t fall back against a couch with them- exhausted from my little hellion- and not feel guilty, or that I owe them money despite what they say, and not just feel like I wasn’t helped more as the responsibility for the care of the child is halved and has [although sometimes has not] been met.Sometimes it’s a little lonely being me and my helpers, and not being a “team us” with all the responsibility not falling solely on me.

What’s A Personal Life? Me Ti-say What?

The idea of regular Me-Time is a complete joke. You being to think it’s become extinct when you catch a short break every once in two or three blue moons. You begin to answer to the name Mom or Mommy more than you do your own name, which is… What is it again?

I’m a mom. Like the military, I must accomplish my duties as well as serve and protect, and I must finish the time I signed up for. When that comes to children, that’s a lifelong contract, not to mention they’re whom I am to serve and protect. If you’re doing your child[ren]’s laundry or lunch right now, the word serve should have made the forefront [and, preferably, made you laugh in the truth of it all]. I don’t do 95% of the things I use to do. Now, 50% of those things were bad things that I, fortunately, quit doing 6 months before ever conceiving my Noa in the first place. However, there is still that 45% that has been put on the backburner, even though that’s the last thing I should be doing with it. Expect multiple posts regarding that very subject in the upcoming weeks. I’m excited to write them.

There’s Too Many To List Here…

There are so many more I could also cover here- we haven’t even reached the tip here! But don’t worry. When Noa isn’t sick- giving me more time to think up more of my horrible woes, you can bet that more in depth posts will join the ranks of a posts here at SkhylarLive. Hopefully this post will suffice till then.

I’m curious about what are your woes? You don’t have to even be single! Are you a single, married, dating, etc. mother? What are your specific woes, and what makes them so woeful? You are not alone, Ladies! Let’s prove to each other we are not alone and share with each other in the comments here below.

Once Upon A Time… The Dead Week Story!

Welp, Dead Week is over with- and with only one meltdown on my part. Woohoo! As for the one meltdown, I most certainly had a good reason- I promise! However, since my father always bent my ear with the saying, “trust but verify,” then I guess I will take up word count verify. And so the story goes a little something like this:

One upon a time, there was a young mother that was raising her child on her own while going to college- with babysitting help from her son’s grandmother, thankfully. Anywho, so the end of the semester has almost made it’s full appearance, and she briskly prepares and readies herself for her very last exam- her Japanese, or 日本語,  exam. 「She aced her Psych final, btw, but back to the story」Well, she is already running later than usual and, worried about the time, she turns her car’s key in an attempt to start the car. Nothing. After this same situation happening three or so times over her car driving career, this young adult has finally learned her lesson- don’t let the tank run dry. But wait! That’s not even the end of it! Someone else must surely have a car she can borrow, right? Janet’s [aka Mother’s] car perhaps… what with her busy generously babysitting. Yes, that’ll work! So off the young woman goes in this huge, scary, don’t-know-what-button-does-what car, and she almost makes it. She can even see the campus across the street, when the car decides to go ^kerplunk! and go into hibernation… this happening during the start of her exam… with police officers by, so ditching the car is a no go. She then must waste time getting ahold of either parent to try to get one to okay having the car towed, so she can full-on book it to class from the main intersection. Well, finally, she gets the okay to leave and, if you were fortunate enough to get a look during this ordeal, you would have witnessed the one of the extremely rare times this young woman has ever truly run in public. Yes, witnesses, you are some lucky little suckers, aren’t you? Feel the specialness wash over you. I digress, time to wrap up the story, so she makes it to class 16 minutes late and misses what looked to be a decent chunk of the exam that was a verbal/listening section. A section that my just off the plane, brand-spanking-new teacher would not allow her to make up. He did say she could appeal her grade, which she was going to do… until she got her grade. So what did she get, even after missing a good portion, forgetting to take her ADHD medicine, and under complete duress? Her Final Exam grade was a 96.5%! Oh yeah!

Now it’s time to show off some final grades for my classes. I took four classes, but one was a no grade/zero credit loser one. The other three were as follows, along with their final grade:

• Intro to Psychology = A-
• Beginners Japanese 1 = B+
• Intro to Religion = Incomplete [However, it’s just due to the amount of days I missed. He is going to let me make it up via writing precise on the religions that were covered mostly during my absent periods, and I will also take the final during that semester as well- next fall. All in all, I think that was a very fair decision given the days I missed trying to get this whole mommy/student thing figured out. PS Dr. Name-Whom-I-Legally-Can’t-Mention is the best professor in the world!]

Now, with that out of the way, in case you didn’t catch on, she/the young woman was me/I in the story. I just felt like using a different POV for once, which is harder than it sounds. I’m glad I have the time to continuously step away from this entry and then come back to it with fresh eyes. I mean, my story had started out 3rd person and slowly circled around to 1st and back around again and again. I really practice- some short story project[s] to work on. I’ve got characters from both one novel and also a short story- or maybe it’s a novella- in my head, and it’s getting a little cramped up there. Although I must say that I love my characters with the utmost certainty; however, I want to do some practice work before I’d feel comfortable enough to do them justice.

Carrying on with the out-of-nowhere writing subject, I am very interested in writing critique groups. I would love to find me a group of pals that I trust and like enough for them to be able to call my work a piece of shit and I think them for doing so. Come one! Who wouldn’t want that!? To the few that stumbles across this post all those that see this post: if you know where to find some good writing critique groups, sites that partner people up, writing communities, etc., then please leave a link to the place[s] in a comment below. I will check out and leave a comment on your blog, if you have one, in return. If I really like your blog, I’ll even subscribe to it. Gasp! I know! So that’s enough caps for now. I hope everyone is in a merry mood or, if not, has plenty of booze to make up for it. My next semester doesn’t start till the 17th of January; also, this is my son’s first Christmas, first birthday 3 days later, and it’s going to be by first night away from my son where I’m not in the same state soon too, and just so many other goodies to share with you guys- expect lots of posts. Heck, if I can swing it with Noa’s great-grandmother here, tonight might be a double post night where I can go ahead and share the many new, drastic yet wonderful changes that have occurred here lately. Trust me when I say that it’s all very unexpected but wonderful nonetheless. So merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah, everybody! What is everyone’s plans for the holidays? Anyone ready for them to be over with? What about for them to never end? Who here is in the holiday spirit? And, most importantly, has your area gotten snow yet?

Dead Week Approaches!

It’s almost dead week. I believe it speaks for itself but, in case you’re not in the college know, it’s the end-of-the-semester’s-final-exams-from-hell week. I haven’t spotted any ambulances on campus yet, so it’s going decently enough thus far. However, there was the whole buttload of cops and their cars surrounding one of the buildings just a ways off from where I was walking back to my car after Japanese class while simultaneously reading the text alert from the school. It read something as follows: two shitheads got into it with one another and one of them was dumb enough to take off into the closest building when security arrived on the scene, most likely a drug dear and the poor fool was holding… on school grounds, nonetheless… idiot. Well, that’s not a verbatim quote right there, but that was the gist of it though. Suffice to say this momma checked her extra crammed backseat area- thanks, huge car seat- for the off chance that the holding, running, idiot was a midget that liked sporty cars. He wasn’t, by the way.

So back to dead week. Yes, you really do feel like death, and death doesn’t sound that bad by Thursday. In all technical-ness, next week is officially dead week, but anyone that cares about their grades is studying, like me, for said finals of dead week. Dead week should be a two week event, actually, or a three week one for the “disabled” like me. I hate that term; however, I do like the disability office’s accommodations they hath kindly giveth to me. Although recording my Japanese class’ lectures is a waste of time. When you look up stereotypical Japanese person plucked up and placed in America, it is my teacher’s picture that you shall see. For the sake of legality, my teacher will be known as simply Mr. Sensei. 「せんせいさん, or sensei-san AKA Mr. Sensei, means Mr. Teacher」Mr. Sensei talks so timidly, I can pick up the dude two rows ahead of me breathing- and not loudly at that!- over what nonexistent very little my strained ears can pick up of Mr. Sensei. It’s fine though; Japanese is my strongest subject, and most beloved.

Well, anywho, I need to cram over an hour of studying into 30 minutes, so I’ll leave you all with words of wisdom by the revised edition of Just for Today [daily words of guidance from NA]:

“A lot happens in one day, both negative and positive. If we do not take the time to appreciate both, perhaps we will miss something that will help us grow.”      —   IP No. 8, Just for Today

   Responsibility, responsibility- the responsibilities of life are everywhere. … … It’s no wonder that, sometimes, we want to run from all these tasks and escape to some far-off island where we’re not “supposed to” do anything! At times like these, when we’ve become overwhelmed with our responsibilities, we have forgotten that responsibility need not be burdensome. When we have a desire to run away from our responsibilities we need to slow down, remember why we have chosen them, and pay attention to the gifts they bring. … … .

Just for today: Each moment is special. I will pay attention, grateful for my responsibilities and the special joys they bring.

         —   Just for Today by NA, November 26/page 344 [and, yes, I was too lazy to write all of it- bite me]

So, yeah, with dead week and all, this resonated with me quite a bit. The book does this quite often- I think it’s telepathic! What about you and your responsibilities? What are some of yours? Have you ever felt overwhelmed at times, and what did you do to cope?